Writing workshop

Hello ladies,

it's been a long while since I've posted (or even visited) on this blog. I thought some of you might be interested in a writing workshop that is happening this summer. I saw it on astorians.net below are the details:

Hi Astorians,Here is some info on a community-based writing workshop that I will be teaching this summer. It's happening in nearby Woodside, but I live in Astoria, so I hope that's okay. Respond with any questions and I'll reply. Also, if anyone has any suggestions of where else to post it online or any cultural organizations that might be interested in it, please let me know.Here's a link to a pdf file of the info: http://topazarts.org/downloads/OurSide_Application.pdfand cut and pasted below:Our Side: A Creative Nonfiction Writing Workshop on Cultural IdentityLed by Nancy Agabian at TOPAZ ARTS CenterDates: 10 Sessions, Saturdays, June 6 -- August 15, 10 am – 12:30 pm Participants’ reading: Sunday, August 16, 3 – 6 pmFee: Sliding scale donation: $10 -- $200. Free for the unemployed. Each participant will decide her/his own fee and pay it at the 2nd meeting Description: Our Side is a new workshop for writers of all levels to write in English about the worlds they live in, past and present. For the first five weeks, we will read work by Amy Tan, Jhumpa Lahiri, Junot Diaz, Edwidge Danticat, and others; then we'll discuss the issues these writers address on emigration, dislocation from homeland, assimilation to a new land, mainten-ance of cultural identity, and trans-nationalism. These discussions will prompt writing exercises to explore our own experiences with migration and views of cultural identity. For the following four weeks, we'll read to the group our writing to receive feedback and help polish it into memoirs or personal essays. During the last meeting, we'll prepare for a reading of our work. Eligibility: Applicants must be immigrants or have a parent who is an immigrant. You should have (familial, national, intellectual, or spiritual, etc.) connections to a place outside of the U.S. that you would like to write about.To apply: Write one page on your experience with writing, why you would like to take a writing workshop on cultural identity, and your commitment to attend each session (except July 4, a holiday). Include your name, email address, and phone number. Participants will be chosen on their ability to commit to the workshop and their level of writing. Every level will be included from first-time beginners to advanced. Email your application (or any questions) to nancyagabian@yahoo.com.Application deadline: May 9, 2009. Participants will be notified by May 23, 2009.TOPAZ ARTS is located at 55-03 39th Avenue in Woodside, Queens. Subway directions: #7-train to 61 St. or the R, V, G trains to Northern Blvd. Details and directions are available at http://www.topazarts.org.Facilitator: Nancy Agabian is the author of Me as her again: True Stories of an Armenian Daughter, a memoir on her Armenian American family history. Currently, she is working on a book about her experiences living in a community of artists in Yerevan, Armenia, and an article on the history of the Turkish and Armenian communities in Sunnyside, Queens. Since 1994, she has been teaching community-based writing workshops in Los Angeles, New York and Yerevan, Armenia. She teaches writing at CUNY, Queens College and the Gallatin School of Individualized Study at New York University. She lives in Astoria, Queens. http://nancyagabian.comOur Side is made possible, in part, by the Queens Council on the Arts with public funding from the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs.TOPAZ ARTS, Inc. is a nonprofit organization founded in 2000 by artists Todd Richmond and Paz Tanjuaquio. TOPAZ ARTS fosters the creative process, enabling artists to realize their projects. TOPAZ ARTS, Inc. is made possible, in part, by public funds from the NYC Dept. of Cultural Affairs; New York State Council on the Arts, a state agency; National Endowment for the Arts; Carnegie Corporation of New York; Dance Theater Workshop’s Outer/Space Program; Foundation for Contemporary Art; The F.B. Heron Foundation; QCA Queens Community Art Fund; Material for the Arts, a program of NYC’s Dept. of Cultural Affairs, Dept. of Sanitation and Board of Education; and the generosity of private individuals.

No tree house, but a fort is a possibility

We are lucky enough to have a small house with a little patch of grass -- ok, weeds cut very short-- in the front, and a tiny garden in the back. My big boy, 4 1/2, has always enjoyed hunting for bugs and worms in the earth, and it has long been a requested outdoor event. We have recently spent some time in parks with real "woods" to play in. And have been to a few homes with real back yards to romp in.

It's reality time: we have no yard to play in.

Now, there are many other things that I could worry about, and do. But, sometimes I allow myself to sweat the small things. And this is a small thing, but a real gripe for some about living in a city. "Don't you want them to have a yard?" I have been asked, and have asked myself more than once.

There will never be a tree house. And that's ok-- I didn't have one growing up in the suburbs, either. And, eventually, I would have to rip it down to prevent it being a possible place to be up to no-good once the kids got old enough to figure that out.

I will get over myself. I chose to live in a city, and will make sure that my kids get to enjoy all the cool things about it. We've been collecting big sticks whenever we see them-- those that have fallen from street trees on our block, in the park, from the backyards of friends.

This year, I'll move a garden in the back because we need some room for fort building.

What a great day......

What a fantastic day.....

It's MLK day, the day before Barack Obama's inauguration, AND a day with snow, snow, snow. We went sledding in Astoria park for the second day in a row! Fun!

To celebrate MLK day, I've signed us up for volunteering as a family. We're doing the community garden thing again, which is good, but we're also doing some fundraising, and will be helping to clean up the parks and waterfront this spring.

Clarification in order: I checked the parks dept, and the Astoria Waterfront websites, but haven't seen the dates yet for cleaning, BUT, I will be checking to make sure that we are there. And if not, we will call and make our own date to help out.

To help out with little kids is super hard. I do have the time, if I make it there without incident, but bringing them along can make the actual helping part almost impossible. My commitment depends on my ability to take my husband along with me, so that someone is with the little guy, and the other adult can help our big guy understand that we are there to have fun, but also help others or our environment. Maybe something will actually get done with all of us there.

Doing "walks"-- breast cancer, autism speaks, the american cancer society event in Astoria park, and whatever else we can squeeze in this spring and summer (AIDS? Hunger? we support it all.....) is really easy to do with kids, though, so we will try to do more of those this year.

Of course, I am often torn. It's not like I'm a rich dowager. So, my fundraising is usually pretty small. Does one do a lot of walks? Is that a good use of the rather small amount of money that I use for donations? I emailed folks I knew once for a breast cancer walk and got some pretty substantial sponsors. But, should we really be spreading out our money like that-- I mean, we could give ONE organization one nice check, instead of giving a bunch little teeny checks.

I do want to support the organizations that mean something to our friends, though, so I guess that we will be doing a bunch this year, regardless.

And, I feel that these walks are also a good way to introduce philanthropy and trying to make a difference (TRYING) to our kids. Are there other ways? Sure, but this is something that we can do as a family, and with others, and can say, "See all these people? They also care about this and want to help."

So much of "volunteering" in my house when growing up was done in hiding. My parents wrote checks to organizations, and I never heard about it. My parents gave time to our church, but I didn't learn about it until later. Giving to others was not something that we talked about. Like money. And I never thought that it was very important to my parents. Volunteering doesn't really do anything for my dad, so he says. Why does it do something for me?

I don't want to be "showy" about volunteering with our kids, like it's something that needs to be flaunted or deserving of great pride, but I do want them to know that it is something that is really fun (most of the time, at least), needed, and an important part of being a good citizen and person here. And, it's important to me. I hope that it becomes important to them.

I wonder how much of what will begin tomorrow will affect them? I grew up with Regan, mostly, during my formative years.

I read an interesting article about the Bush presidency, and consuquential handing over of the reigns to Obama in the Financial Times (of all places!)

"Tomorrow Mr Bush will hand over to a man who won a thumping victory by rekindling a dormant American enthusiasm for public service. Mr Obama could not have done it without Mr Bush. Among the epitaphs available, Prof Lindsay's from his home state of Texas might prove the most enduring. 'I can summarise Bush's legacy in two words,' he says, 'Barack Obama'."

It's Our Park

Just in case you wanted something fun to do in Astoria with the whole family--- our community garden, Two Coves Community Garden, is sponsoring an "It's My Park Day" on October 25th from 12-4. The Astoria CSA is co-sponsoring it.....there should be some pumpkins, face painting, and a nice chance to hang out in the garden with other folks.

Socrates Sculpture Park is having their Halloween Festival on October 18th from 12-3 (I think that's the time I saw posted on another site, but I couldn't find it on their site). Seriously, it is a FANTASTIC party! A dog costume contest, music, and materials for the arts brings materials to make costumes!

Wishing and Hoping......

I watched the Democratic National Convention, with not quite rapt attention. I've been afraid of getting too hopeful. Kept my head down and listened, cautiously.

Will my heart be broken, again? Will Barack Obama do what the rest of the democrats have not been able to do? Secure the presidency?

I'm not a political junky-- though I enjoy listening to a good debate. I only really researched Obama's platform vs. Hillary's and McCain's when I started working on it with my students. That's when I started thinking seriously about Obama. His platform was almost identical to Hillary's- very sound and almost everything that I believe in. And when it looked like it was all over for Hillary, I thought-- I'm not that unhappy. He's a great candidate-- most of his ideas for fixing the economy, the war, education, etc-- issues that I care about-- are ideas that I agree with and like.

Months ago, a friend sent me a slanderous email about Obama. I immediately smelled a rat and checked the snopes website. Sure enough, it was garbage. I never normally do this,since I rarely really care about those stupid forwards that I get from people, but I emailed my friend and told her how upset I was that she was emailing lies to people. I said that I bet that she was too smart to believe crap like that, but there are other people who believe everything that they read. She was offended and said that she would never send political emails out again because she offended all of her liberal friends.

I am liberal (if you compare me to a right wing republican), but I would hardly call that a "political email"-- it was hatefully worded garbage meant to encourage people to believe lies about Obama.

Thankfully, he now has a website to address the slander: http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome

I don't mean to belittle the fact that this does not happen on "the other side". There were a lot of hateful rumors planted about McCain when he ran against George Bush in 2004. Thanks to Karl Rove.

And in the past few months, there have been less attacks against Obama. I think that people finally woke up and looked into these rumors and realized that it was trash and insulting their intelligence. I just hope that it stays this way.

I will be wishing and hoping that Obama will make it. Theoretically, he should be able to beat McCain. Obama has the backing of the democratic party, the backing of people who want a change from the past 8 years, a great platform, sound ideas, and a great campaign team.

Wishing for a clean campaign. May the best candidate win! Go Obama!

Hoping that I'll be crying tears of joy this November!

So Uncool.....

Me. Not that I was EVER cool, to begin with, but now I have slipped even farther down the cool slide, down to luke-warm. Tonight, I heard my neighbors hanging out -- a little party with some friends, and thought that it was the tv. Though we've had some friends over to bbq, I guess that it's been awhile since I've done been anywhere or done anything social that happens after sunset.

And, of course, that's not how I should judge how COOL I am, or anyone else is, but I realize that it's been awhile.

I was supposed to go to a rock show this week-- my babysitter is unable to watch my kids. I probably could not have stayed up that late, anyhow.

I'm glad that OTHER people are having a good time outdoors, socializing, etc after the sun has set, and perhaps can live vicariously through them in the meantime.

Until then, I will hope that Astoria gets some more rock shows that happen in the am-- at parks and such-- for me to go to while awake. Brooklyn has them, Manhattan has them, so we should get them too! Or, I will have to learn guitar and make my own band.

Is the opposite of cool, hot?
Probably....not.

Summer in the city

It's almost summer, in the city, but it feels like it's already started. As I type, it's amazingly hot and humid, and there is no airconditioning or fan or moving air in this room.

We went to our community garden meeting today. We, meaning myself and M and N of the Meetup Astoria Moms group (or ASAHM Meetup group, as we are also known). Wow, meetings like that are pretty exhausting! Not a whole lot felt like it was being accomplished (though most of the agenda was covered), but it was very eye-opening for us all, and we got to see and hear from quite a few of the other gardeners.

Have we blogged about our awesome garden? We joined the Two Coves Community Garden. Because we are a community group, we were allowed to get a bunch of plots next to each other to use to form a big garden. Well, big if you live in the city and are used to gardening on a balcony, or a window-box. We have about 600 square feet, and we have made lots of little gardens within the space: a butterfly garden, an herb area, vegetable gardens with lots of different veggies growing like tomatoes, squash, corn, beans, lettuce, radishes, carrots, pumpkins, and cucumbers, and flowers, flowers, flowers. There's also a nice spot for the kids to dig in and make mud puddles, and they love this most of all!

The kids absolutely love the garden. It's even more fantastic than I thought it would be....and I had high expectations for it.

Yes, it was very hard to prepare the garden with kids all over the place, and it's been equally hard to plant, and now it's sometimes really hard to find time for weeding, but we're getting it done! Slowly....

Another obstacle has been that our kids are little, and active, and it's taken time for us to make sure that our kids understand the rules of being in a community garden (not stepping on other people's plots, knowing where their garden ends and another begins, common areas versus private areas in the garden, weeds versus plants....) and there has apparently been some backlash against our group.

We immediately tried to address it--- with each other, to make sure that some moms are on "kid duty" while others are gardening, and to make sure that all moms are encouraged to get some garden time in if they want--- with our kids, to make sure that they understand that there are not only expectations of their being able to behave by their parents, but also by people in the garden community (they understood that they would not be allowed to go to the garden if they didn't follow the rules!), with the garden leaders.

With gardeners that we met, we tried to address it also-- that we knew that it might be a problem and that we were addressing it. Oddly, all gardeners that we met were extremely kind to us and our children. However, we were told that there were numerous complaints! I guess that we will see....

All I know is that we love this place, our garden, and it is the perfect place to spend the summer in the city. We water our garden with water from the fire hydrant, we garden next to people in our Astoria community, we get to be with our friends, and we get to do it in Astoria! Who knew that we could have our own slice of natural heaven, and get to share it with so many people in our community! It really does feel good, and feels right to allow our kids a lot of time outdoors, and time well-spent with friends.

This Land is Your Land

Ladies,
Today while driving my son to preschool, I had a weepy moment and I thought I’d write about it.
As a footnote- I looked up the definition to the Spanish word patria. It means “fatherland.” Different versions for the song "This Land is Your Land" can be found on Itunes and the the lyrics can be found here: http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/thisland.htm
In order to write the following I listened to the song over and over as I wrote it.
Claire, Gabriel's bday party favor- music cd compilation is to thank for this moment.

This Land is Your Land

Today was the first time my child listened to and enjoyed “This Land is Your Land.” You know it? That folky song that heralds all that is wonderful about this country. My son immediately enjoyed its catchy tune and tried hard to sing along- a difficult task for a three year old.
Then the questions began, “Mami what’s land?”
Mami says, “It means tierra.”
I look in the rear view mirror and see the confused look on his face still there.
I remember tierra in Spanish also means dirt.
I add, “Samuel tierra doesn’t just mean dirt it also means…”

I start to listen to the words. The tears begin. I’m not premenstrual, I’m not pregnant, I’m not that patriotic but I can’t contain the tears.
I wipe the tears and add, “Samuel tierra refers to a place.”

But that’s not all it means. I think this song refers to patria. How do I explain and translate patria to Samuel- why is that word only in Spanish to me? Does that word with its true meaning exist to me in English?

I was born in Peru. I left Peru at the age of 4, only one year older than my son. I grew up in Canada and mostly the US. I am a US citizen, but if you ask me where I’m from, I think and feel Peru. If I go to Peru- the Peruvians recognize and identify me for the American that I am. Now as I see my 3 year old sing along to “This Land is Your Land,” I wonder if this song was ever really intended for me? The song tells me “this land was made for you and me.” Part of me wants to think so, needs to believe so. After all I grew up mostly in New Jersey- yeah that’s kinda described in the song. I love hot dogs, I love apple pie. I love to do just as I damn well please- because I freakin’ have rights- isn’t that all so all about “this land?” That’s not all of me, though. I also ache for anticuchos, a pervuian dish made from cow heart meat, chicha morada’ a purple drink made from purple corn grown in the Andes, Afro-Peruvian music, and a gray city filled with pollution and poverty called Callao. I swear, laugh, and make love best in Spanish. I argue, empathize, and think best in English. When I think of this country as my land it feels natural and yet it feels like I am betraying something that is such an integral part of me. I realize my son will never have this internal division. Is this assimilation?

I think how to describe “land” to my son. What is land? It is that place that brings you peace and happiness, that is home to all your success, and home to all the trials that bring your success. It is this place that allows success. It is the place you send off your children to die for in wars. It’s the place you meet your husband. It’s the place you find love. It’s the place you see your children grow up.
.
“Samuel, tierra means the place where you were born….[pause] or the place you call your home. This song describes the United States. It’s all the places your family lives, your abuelos in Florida, your grandparents in Pennsylvania, your tia in Oregon, your aunt in New Jersey, Daddy’s work in Washington DC, your home in New York.“

Confused face gone.
Song is over.
“Mami play it again”

Schools in Astoria

A bunch of moms met at my place a few weeks ago to discuss schools in Astoria. Some of the moms knew quite a bit, and others hadn't really researched too much. All of us were wary and concerned about the prospect of sending our kids to NYC public schools, or were concerned about "school" in general.

Concerned, and yet I am a teacher- and I teach for the Department of Education (formerly the Board of Education) in NYC! However, I'm a speech teacher for district 75 - the special education district. Which most of the parents in our group (hardly any at all) will ever have to contemplate special education. And district 75 and special education needs a post of its own!

Some parents are interested in home-schooling, or supplementing the children's public school experiences with some home-schooling on the side. Some are interested in using the charter schools in the area. Others are interested in using their neighborhood schools, with the hopes that their children will be kids for the whom the "teaching to the test" most of the year teaching protocols that are now unfortunately nearly standard in every NYC public school will be a good fit. And then others, like me, hope that not only are my kids able to handle the fast pace and test oriented curriculum, but that their neighborhood school gets much, much better.

After I moved into this house, I found out which school that we were zoned for. I had thought that the school that seemed closest would be "our school," but the zones had changed and we are supposed to use a different school- a school that feels like a much farther walk and is unfortunately not as good. We would be zoned for the school that I want my kids to go to if I lived directly behind my house. My neighbors, who grew up on this street, attended the school that is better because the zones were different 20 years ago. But, I live here now and will have to use the school that is now apparently on the "No Child Left Behind" list.

Can't say that I'm happy about it, but I am torn about what to do. Do I try to make the school better? Do I send my kids there and hope for the best? Or, do I get put on someone's con-ed bill near the better school and send my kids there? I hate lying, and I work for the DOE! I'm an employee! To lie about something like that seems so awful! BUT, I want what is best for my kids.

What I'd like to do is march down the district office and tell them the truth- that it is not acceptable to me that my neighborhood school has gotten WORSE since I have lived here (and I've lived in this house for 9 years), and that I'll be sending my kids to the better area school (and ask for a variance- which you apparently can only get after you register your child for the NCLB school first). Not that they haven't heard this before, and not that they can do anything about it. And I'm sure the teachers in my neighborhood school are upset about what has happened, and I'm sure that the principal is freaking out about it, but not as upset as I am!

I'm happy to work with my kids- do homework, take them to cultural experiences like museums and classes and music, bring them to museums, etc but I want them to get a good, basic education, too.

What's an Astoria parent to do?

An afternoon in Astoria (1940)

I was wondering if any of you long time residents of Astoria are familiar with this neighborhood, better, with the photos below. For more information and pictures click here.

Rudolph (Rudy) Burckhardt (1914-1999) arrived in New York from his native Switzerland in 1935. Although he settled in Manhattan – the perfect place in witch to escape the rigid propriety of his European upbringing – his affection for unconventional standards of charm often drew him to Queens. Through Burckhardt’s camera, Queens in the early 1940s was a place of unaffected beauty. He delighted in its empty gas stations and the chaos of its abandoned lots, and in its overgrown sidewalks and its stark industrial facades he found an uncelebrated grace that his own quiet temperament was particularly suited to recognize.
Burckhardt gathered the best of his photographs made in Queens and carefully sequenced them in an album he titled An afternoon in Astoria.

Moms Rising- Parents Rising- Astoria Style

Hey, moms (and dads), if you are interested in momsrising.org, we're starting up a chapter soon. If you're a member of the meetup ASAH mom group, then it's on the calendar. If not, then email me and I'll give you the info. And if you just want some information, you can email me or go to momsrising.org. I think that it's a good thing for all people with families to get together to be heard- to help make sure that politicians know what is important to us. Some of the momsrising campaigns are really important to me and to other families in Astoria that I know- better daycare and childcare, affordable homes, better schools, after school care, equal pay for equal work, and flexible work hours that let us get work done both at our paying jobs and in our non-paying jobs!

My fight.....My Inspiration....

I have wanted to post on the blog for months now, but it has been a struggle to articulate all the strong feelings and emotions that are harbored inside of me. I knew that if I write about my experiences and emotions it would serve three very important purposes. One would be personal in which I can simply "get out" all the feelings that I have been carrying on my shoulders. The second would be to let others know that if you are in my shoes too, you are not alone. Finally my purpose in writing is to grant people, if it only be a small amount, a glimpse of the reality of Autism from my perspective.

So hear I go. Michael was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) when he was 20 months old. He is now three years old. He has not actually been diagnosed with Autism. But, when explaining it to family, friends, etc. I say that he does have a mild form of Autism because many people do not understand what PDD is. At first I really could not truly acknowledge that Michael was on the spectrum as all of a sudden we were bombarded with all theses services for him through Early Intervention. At first I was in a fog as I now had to coordinate Speech, Occupational, Physical, and Special Instruction Therapies. But that is what I had to do and that kept me from having to truly acknowledge and accept this reality. Reflecting back, I then basically went in to a "fight mode". From my teaching experience I knew that special education services do not come without a fight, and I would fight for my son, because the same hopes and dreams I had for him did not all of a sudden become diminished because of this diagnosis.

Intrinsically, I am not a fighter. I have always been intimidated easily. But, as the first roadblocks came when having to transition from Early Intervention to CPSE (Commitee for Pre-School Special Education) and dealing with the NYC board of Education, I quickly transformed into the strong and determined advocate that I had no choice to be for my son. When phone calls were not returned I would call back relentlessly until I got someone on the phone that could help me, I would be demanding, and I would not accept anything less than what I thought Michael deserved. After fighting with the Board of Ed about evaluations, then visiting school, I was successful in my fight for my son. I got him into our first choice school. The one gift that Autism has granted me is that I am confident now that I can be a advocate, I can be a fighter.

So, at first I was in sort of a denial, then I focused all my energy on being my son's strong advocate, and now until the next battle (I guess) I find myself for the first time in a year and a half truly having to deal with this reality. I am accepting it now and I am letting myself feel the anger, frustration, sadness, and fear that has always been their. I love my son with all my heart and admire him for always rising up to challenges that life brings him that for other children are not so much of a challenge. I see how much he is progressing and how hard he works. I am marveled at how he can think of different ways to put his train tracks together as I observe his thinking process by taking pieces, looking at the shape, then looking at the structure, so that everything connects. I am so impressed by his great memory skills. He has memorized many of his favorite books! But, at the same time I have much anxiety about what the future holds for him. I see other children his age playing together and talking with each other about various things. Or simply asking each other to come and play or anticipating the arrival of a friend. That is a struggle for Michael. He has difficulty engaging is spontaneous open-ended conversations that come so naturally to most children and adults. I have cried to my husband many many times saying, "I just wish that Michael could play with other kids the right way"! Then I feel badly because I do not think any less of my son, I just so much want him to experience the fun and satisfaction that comes along with friendships. I am so proud of Michael and proud to be his Mother, but at the same time I am scared for him. Michael's teacher's like to say that Michael just learns differently. And yes, I do believe that and I have to accept that. My husband and I have had to accommodate and adapt our behaviors and outings to meet his needs and different ability in order for him to be successful. Some days we fail miserably and other days we relish in our success.

I read a story when I was in college, that having a child with a disability is like planning a trip to Italy, but instead you all of a sudden are sent to Holland. It is not that Holland is any less of a vacation then Italy, it is just different and not what you expected. I always keep this story in my head to help me to be strong when I am letting myself feel sorry for myself and angry that Autism has such a strong presence in our life. With all these strong emotions I have been experiencing for the last year and half, my love and devotion to my wonderful son will always surpass them in strength. Michael is an inspiration to me and I will always be thankful to him for giving me the strength to finally fight for what I believe in. I will never stop fighting and I will never give up hope.

"These I Loved"

My little one and me walking walking mid-day on a quiet street down to the forest where the deer lay. The rustling we hear, "Shhhhh, I think I see one." And off it has gone, a little one herself. Now we are off to pick some wild daisies, they are the prettiest in her golden brown hair that shimmers in the sun.The green grass prickles our toes as we walk barefoot down to the springs. the mist rises off the water as we dive in feet first. The ice cold spring water bubbles all around us as we imitate it. We laugh, we laugh so loud that our echos are heard across the vast lake. We hear giggling and screetching of joy bounce back towards us and I hear, "let's do it again." What sweet joy it is to be so carefree for such a time.

Inspired by a poem "These I Loved"

"What's the Weather"

"What's the Weather"
"What's the Weather"
"What do you see"
"What do you see"
"Tell me what the weather is"
"Tell me what the weather is"
"Won't you please"
"Won't you please"

This morning as I dress Mia, she sings a few verses of this song. "Mama, sing with me." But I couldn't sing this song because I did not know it. Just then I burst into tears, some happy tears, some not. My baby learned this song in pre-school. "Mia I don't know that song, sing it to me so I can learn", I respond. I guess part of the tears is because I was strong the first week school began as Mia learned to separate from me. She has been doing well and I am so proud of her, but there are several house a week where I don't know what she is doing and I will admit that scares me. She has been by my side for the last 2 years and 9 months. The only time I was away from her was when Luca was born. Other than that I have never been apart from her. I promised myself that I would not hold on too tight. But I just didn't expect this so soon. I struggled all summer with the decision to send her to pre-school. I have made much more difficult and profound decisions in way less time. But I know this is what is best for her. I love when I pick her up from school and she says ,"Mama you came back, and That was great." Oh, how I will treasure this time in her life.

I'm not Italian, I'm Upstate

The sun begins creeping in as I lift my boy out of the crib. He snuggles next to me and nurses himself back to sleep. He is nestled between both of us cozy and warm. As we drift back to sleep I stroke his golden brown hair.

We hear rustling in the bed next to us. She is rested and bright eyed as we hear "Luca's awake." She climbs into bed with us. All four of us lay safely in the small full-sized bed. The closeness brings me comfort. This is my family, we four are a family. Waking up on a weekend upstate, Papa asks his girl, "What do you want for breakfast?" Mia says, "Pasta". "Oh darling, you are Italian", laughs Papa. She adorably responds, "I'm not Italian, I'm Upstate!" Luca starts tossing and turning and POP - he jumps up to a sitting position as he does every morning. Mia looks at us and grins, "Luca's awake, good morning Luca."

Sunday morning, September 23, 2007

Parents Rising (in Astoria)

Talking with my cousin, whose sweet daughter is 10 months old, I realized that there's a lot more that I could be and should be doing to advocate for parents. She is helping start an organization in her area that will hopefully lead to workplaces being more family friendly (places to pump at work/breastfeed, more tolerance for parents who want flexible time, etc), and also to help families get access to good quality childcare.

Yes, people have been having children since the beginning of time. And having a child at any time in history has meant sacrifice. Having a child, caring for children, becoming a parent and learning how to be a parent is hard work- and always has been. I don't expect it to be easy. I'm sure that it was not easy for my mother and father, and for their parents, either. But the family unit has been changing- women used to stay home and now often want to or have to work. Grandmothers and Aunts and extended families might have once been nearby. Today, families are often very spread apart.

I think that it's really important for families to help each other. Belonging to my meetup group has been great- I have met other wonderful families who have become my family here in Astoria. My neighbors have been helpful friends, also. I've learned about parenting and the ins and outs of finding childcare, schools, etc from my friends, co-workers, listserves and message boards. I've given advice when I could, also. It's so important to have these outlets when we are separated from our extended families, or just plain don't have any.

But I think that I could do better. I'm hoping to start a "momsrising"/"parentrising" group in Astoria. I'd like to talk to our politicians about finding ways for families get excellent childcare, family leave, paid sick days, good afterschool programs, and flexible work.

http://www.momsrising.org/

New York has some good programs in place, but life can be very hard for families here. For Astorians, we might be interested in finding out how to make afordable housing for families. And work on our daycares, schools and afterschool progams, too.

Also, I think that it would be a good place to start to find out ways how we could help other families in Astoria. I'm not struggling financially, today at least, but there are so many who are. And so many who need advocates so that they can have a voice.

I'm going to have a "parent's rising" party at my house in the next month or so- I ordered their dvd that can show us how to start- and I want to see if our Astoria chapter can set an agenda of items that are important to us. And we'll see how far we want to take it- we just may end up shooting off a few emails to some politicians, or we might really try to look at changing policies/schools/childcare around here.

I'll be posting about it on our meetup site, but want to include anyone in the Astoria hood who would be interested. Of course, all "parents" are welcome- momsrising has dads in it too! Email me.......

Astoria McMansion Needed

I grew up in New Jersey- birthplace of the hiddeous McMansion. Not that I lived in one growing up- we had a 60's split-level (which is even more super New Jersey). We pretty much escape them in Astoria, thank God. Other areas of Queens have more modestly sized homes torn down for stucco and brick monstrocities.

Out of snoberry I turn my nose up at the McMansion. I hate what it represents to me- wasted space, grandiosity and a cookie-cutter display of greed. But, this weekend I finally see the need for them. A McMansion would hold all of the stuff that I've accumulated. How did this happen? Well, two little kids, a packrat husband and me, hoarder of books, arts and craft supplies and the spoils of working as a speech therapist for 10 years (toys, books, crates of papers).

There's lots of stuff- some I have let go of and some that I have to let go. There's some furniture in my garage (which is our current main storage space) of which I need to say "farewell". There are a few boxes of various "memorabilia" (keeper of that will remain nameless), and why does my husband seem to collect boxes of cables and wires for electronic gadgets- surely most of the gadgets are gone (or in a box in a garage), so why keep the cables? But he assures me that they are important to him, and so they are. There are things large: a stove, a window, a refrigerator. There are small things: boxes of papers, old notebooks. What is really junk, anyway?

And kids stuff! It's all over the house and the garage, too. As my baby outgrows his clothes, I quickly stuff them into bags- some I have distributed to friends and some I now need to find homes for. There is no room for nostalgia- I kept one little shirt from his early days to remember how little he really was.

But the rest is junk. I tell myself that I should pick a weekend and try to reorganize, prioritize and just get rid of it all. But when will I find the time? There are so many other things that I want to do besides clean my garage. So until then, I will have to live with my overflowing closets and garage.

Unless I decide to ditch Astoria and jumbo mortgage my way to a McMansion......

Happy Thanksgiving

Can't help it-I'm full of thanks this year.


Thank you, my mom friends, for keeping me sane, for bringing me back to reality when feeling like I was floating away,

Thank you to my husband, who gives me love,

Thank you, my two boys, who fill me with happiness and who help me see the world like a child again,

Thank you to my students, who make me think about the possibility of what can be,

Thank you to my father, who has been a great grandparent, and who has been a thoughtful parent,

And thank you to Astoria, for being such a wonderful place to be, to raise a family, to walk, to enjoy art and the outdoors, for the fantastic community here.....

Love Maneuver

Sharing. This exercise was originally written for the Writers Discussion Group based on Rupert Brooke's poem These I Have Loved.

These I have loved

The past and the future that run continuous, perpetual.

Sadness and joy, and the body I cannot recognize in the mirror. Broken pieces.

The rusted wheel of the toy and the garden that seats placidly in my still life memories.

Physically blind eyes for a heart that beats possibilities. Embracing the state of being different.

The days that were golden and the childhood that holds the pictures on the wall. Yellowish smiles.

Love sublime and the wedding pottery at my mother's attic. The plastic hangers where I suspend my hopes. Daily rituals.

The waiting and the green light of the train tracks of my existence. Discovering humanity.

Polite silence and the rain singing melancholy. Empty sidewalks for daydream children.

The fresh pine scent of a postcard. Leaves falling apart and stars for a velvet sky. Tender affection.

Reminiscences and recollection. Food-feeding my soul and my senses.

The new and the old faces that surrender my pace. Of what I have really loved.

My favorite neighborhood

I’ve lived in New York for 21 years, since I was a freshman in college, and I’ve lived in many, many neighborhoods. I had a compulsion to move in my 20s--I was just never comfortable. Here are the places I’ve lived, not necessarily in the correct order:

• Morningside Heights
• Brooklyn Heights
• Upper West Side
• Lower East Side
• East Village
• Cobble Hill
• Carroll Gardens
• Chelsea
• West Village (6 years)
• Sunset Park

And now, Astoria, and in a few months, the Ditmars side of Astoria. And this time, we’re homeowners, so perhaps this will be my last neighborhood? Who knows.

But finding Astoria and moving here was a great revelation. This is by far my favorite part of New York, and I feel like I have the breadth of experience of having lived in a lot of places to really back that up.

I found Astoria via Sesame Street, where my husband works, and which shoots at Kaufman Astoria studios on 34th Avenue. We had been living in Sunset Park together and had just married that fall, and he was working in the studio on that season’s episodes. So every morning he left our Brooklyn apartment at 7 AM, and he came home most nights at 10 PM.

We had no children then and I was working late most nights. I was still on staff at an ad agency; I hadn’t yet gone freelance and regained control of my hours. So we were both stretched thin.

And we hated our apartment and we hated our neighborhood. But like most things you hate but that envelope you, we didn’t really consider changing. We had really low rent, we loved each other and we weren’t home that much.

But the neighborhood felt so unfriendly and desolate and downtrodden. I used to powerwalk (my knees couldn’t handle running, so yes, I became one of those silly-looking women—and when I start exercising again, I’ll go back) in Green-wood Cemetery, which was nearby, but they kicked me out (you can’t powerwalk in a cemetery, even if you bring along a bouquet of flowers so you look like you are going to visit a grave… that is how low I had sunk—pretending to mourn a loved one so I could work out). So I had to powerwalk through the streets, and it was so lonely until I got to Park Slope, and then it was too crowded.

So we just endured, enjoyed our cheap rent and rejoiced when Fresh Direct started delivering so we actually had okay groceries (there were no good restaurants near us either).

And then came the Sesame Street Christmas Party, which used to be a big extravaganza. It was held on the set (by Hooper’s store) with tons of food and a DJ playing eighties hits and disco, and a wild Muppet pageant, and singing, and alcohol, and some office hijinks. I’m not great at those parties but this one was fun.

After the party, the entire cast and crew were allowed to take Town cars home (big perk after months of late nights!), so we climbed into ours outside the studio and it took off through the Astoria streets. And that’s when I fell in love.

It was late December and late at night, and my husband and I were giggling at the drunken people (a mystery guest and one of the interns) making out in front of the studio (big gossip for the next morning!) and I looked out the window, happy to be in the car heading to our apartment.

And all of a sudden I knew I wanted to live here, in this neighborhood. It looked as though a family could be happy here, in these quiet streets. It looked as though people had real lives here, that they weren’t just camping out until the next best thing showed itself. It felt as though a life could be built here and enjoyed and treasured.

I mentioned how pretty I thought Astoria was to my husband and he sort of blinked at me. He had never considered it a neighborhood—it was where the studio was, nothing more and nothing less.

It was in Queens, and Queens, to young, ambitious people in New York, was very low on the totem pole. In fact, it was lower than where Brooklyn used to be. And yet somehow Brooklyn has become cool and desirable. Anyway, Queens just wasn’t on his radar. It hadn’t been on mine either until that moment. Plus my father had grown up in Jackson Heights, and he had talked often about escaping Queens. For me to actually desire to live in Queens was truly bizarre to my dad.

So my husband thought about it, and fairly quickly he agreed with me (transforming his commute from an hour to five minutes was a big incentive). And six months later we moved to Astoria, and a few months later had our first child. Astoria is where our family truly began.

I love it here. And it is the place I imagined it might be that night in the Town Car heading back to Brooklyn—yet far, far more.

I’d love to know how other moms found Astoria. It is my favorite part of New York City, and I wish I had found it years before.